See me up there? I’m the one on the right, with the macbook, the grey turtleneck and looking a bit upset. That, however, is my expression when I’m content and interested. Seriously! I was at an un-conference this weekend dealing with government and citizen participation in the context of new media. It was fun and engaging, and for the first time in a long time, I felt excited about contributing to something big.

The last time I felt that way was back in Kingston, which, as of late, has become a very touchy subject for me. I’ve started a new coping mechanism recently: When I’m upset, I tend to close my eyes and piece together my old room. I pretend I’m sitting on my bed and staring out my favorite window (documented here and here). I think of my desk and the vinyl records on my wall and my little plastic ornaments. I think of the walks I use to take along Princess Street, or how I felt when I was in my favorite room in the JDUC… and for a second I feel at peace.

And then it evaporates and I’m only left with feelings and visuals of the library on Johnson street, of the Market and conversations with farmers, of my profs, of a sense of community I don’t have here. It tortures me. Who would’ve thought that such great experiences could turn into such haunting memories? Needless to say, the coping mechanism isn’t working as well as I’d intended.

I miss Kingston, but going to the “un”conference made me realize that I need to create the community I had given to me at Queens. It is much harder here. I don’t know that I’ll be able to do it, or how I’ll go about it, but I know that I have to try. Obviously I’ll try to keep my efforts updated here, but if anyone has any ideas on how to go about this, please send them my way!

My mom had a gathering at her house last weekend, and I offered to bake the desserts. My mom, who was born & raised in England, loves Victoria Sponge. The cake was named after Queen Victoria who was said to have some daily at tea. It is made like any other sponge cake, but has cream and jam sandwiched in between the two layers. Personally, I don’t understand the appeal. For one thing, the UK doesn’t have the best reputation in the culinary world. I didn’t like the smell of it while baking, and I’m not a fan of Devonshire cream. Although -to be perfectly honest -I didn’t even try it, and in its defense, everyone seemed to like it at the party.

Recipe:
8 ounces softened butter (I used margarine)
8 ounces superfine sugar
4 large eggs
8 ounces self-raising flour, sifted

Filling:
6 tbsp jam (I used blackberry by request)
300ml/10½ fl oz double cream (eg. Devonshire)

Icing sugar, for dusting
You’ll need two 15cm-17.5cm/6in-7in cake tins

1. Preheat the oven to 350F.
2. Grease 6in-7in cake tins and line the bottom of the two cake tins with a circle of parchment paper.
3. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until pale and creamy. Beat well to get lots of air into the mixture (takes a few minutes).
4. Beat in the eggs one at a time. You can add a tablespoon of flour if the mixture curdles.
5. Fold in the flour using a large metal spoon. Do not over-mix.
6. Pour the mixture equally between the two cake tins and level off the top with a spatula.
7. Place in the oven and bake for 20 minutes, or until the cakes spring back when pressed gently with a finger and are slightly golden in colour.
8. Remove from the oven and take them out of the tins after about 5-10 minutes. Place them on a wire rack to cool completely.
9. Spread the sponge with the jam and the whipped cream (traditionally, the cream goes on the bottom of the top layer, and the jam goes on the top of the bottom layer). Carefully sandwich together.
10. Dust with icing sugar and serve.

Our world today looks very much like this (only the temperature would be lowered by 10 degrees C!). It has been unforgivably cold as of late. The kind of cold that freezes your teeth and blisters your knuckles. Despite the weather, we went for a walk last night, stopping to get material for a certain project and a made a quick stopover at Kitchen Stuff Plus (Why does it always smell fantastic in that store?).

I don’t particularly want to venture outside, particularly after seeing pictures of Posy’s adorable house. If only I had that talent/colour palette in my life! Her studio is beautiful, and I can’t even imagine how long it would take me to crochet that blanket if I even tried.

I am inspired… At least enough to clean up and bake a miniature prototype of Victorian Sponge Cake (pictures to follow).

“Tout est pour le mieux dans le meilleur des mondes”
“Everything is for the best in the best of worlds”

Voltaire wrote this in Candide, a satirical piece, mocking the optimist dogma popularized by Leibniz which prevailed during the 18th century. Throughout the novel, Candide (the main character), goes through experiences that disprove this philosophy, and in the end, he rejects the optimism that was cultivated in him by his tutor Pangloss.

I’ve glossed over details, but that’s the essence of the work.

There are days where I wonder if I am similar to Candide -whose name in French, incidentally -means naive. For the most part, I try to be a good member in society. I adhere to the main tenets of legal and moral law. I try to give back when I can. I work hard.

I do these things because they’ve been fostered in me from a young age. I also do these things because I’ve been told that these actions would be rewarded.

And yet none of these things are really recognized or valued. They claim to be, but they aren’t really in practice. Unfortunately, the people who have power in the world seem to be those who lie and cheat and steal to get there. It’s a dystopian view, but it’s a dystopian world. Read the news, haven’t you got the memo?

I’ve been thinking of this more and more lately. Some people in my personal circle have, to put it bluntly, been screwed over by another person who is a total jerk. It’s extremely frustrating. I wish there could be repercussions for said jerks, but there won’t be. They’ll keep living their sordid lives and probably have more power as a result.

Oh, and on top of all this, I screwed up my sourdough starter. I knew it was ready on the 5th day, but I didn’t put it in the fridge and I couldn’t salvage it. I’ll start a new one next week and post my (hopefully less negative) results.

TGIF?

While I’ve complained a fair bit about 2008, the holidays were quite nice, even with the little hiccups that came our way. Our flight to Mexico caused R. to get food poisoning, but overall the trip was wonderful. Two days before we left, we went on a Mayan adventure including a spiritual ceremony, a traditional mayan meal, zip-lining over a crocodile pit and rappelling into a cenote. Incident of note: a relatively young Italian girl zip-lined after me and couldn’t get her break to reach the cord. I looked away before she came to an abrupt halt at the end, but needless to say, it didn’t end well.

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One and a half days after we landed in Toronto, we went to this other snowy-paradise. In terms of scenic value, we had it made. There were also great people, amazing food, board games, bluejays, chickadees eating from our hands, flying squirrels and a fox. I almost forgot what real winter was like until we were sliding through a snowstorm on a highway without streetlights. Up north there’s nothing but fresh white snow and great hiking trails. It’s sad that I now have to go back to my panic-induced resume-sending frenzy. It’s annoying that I have to hear people complain about their jobs when I would love to have one. This is my post-holiday life. SIGH.