Boundaries and limitations
Initially I had written an entire post about Penelope Trunk and being introverted and feminism, but it didn’t flow as well as I had hoped, so I scrapped it and am now just writing via stream of consciousness.
Anyway.
So I started a course in Project Management in January and I don’t quite know what to make of it. Before it began, I kept having nightmares about school and it got to a point where I didn’t want to go to sleep. Every night it would be something different and equally terrible.
Those have now subsided, and I sort of chalked it up to falling into old habits of being an academic masochist and wanting to get over 90% all the time. I had to talk myself down from that cliff and commit to the understanding that my life is different and I have a 40+ hour workweek and friends and family and a boyfriend who wouldn’t appreciate it if I spent every other night in the library.
One thing it has definitely highlighted in my mind though, is that I really love art in comparison to business (boy am I ever glad I never took commerce!). I like making things beautiful. I like shot composition and people’s stories.
I remember going to a career services counselor in the first year of my undergrad, and she was a very hippie-esque crunchy granola type. She asked me what I love, and I told her that I was curious/fascinated by people and their life stories. I don’t remember where she took that from there, if it were me I’d probably be like “Well you’re screwed kid. Take commerce.” (… why I’m not and should never be a career counselor).
But now looking back, I can see why I love documenting things in video form. It can be non-invasive in some ways, and you can capture great moments, great snippets of people and get a glimpse into who they really are.
It’s probably also why I love reading good blogs, and keeping one myself.
I can be a pretty guarded person, I guess. And I can be a little too good at respecting people’s boundaries, so it’s nice to have an alternate channel into lives of interesting people.
February 5th, 2010 at 12:15 am
Great post, Fleur. You’ve captured one of the reasons I keep blogging after all these years; its a great glimpse.
You are one of the few people I know you is in a career that fits them perfectly. I remember your work from uni, and I was always impressed with how you put everything together. In fact, this post has funny timing; I thought randomly of the gag reel you and Ashley put together for the 450 pilot this week. I wish those clips were on youtube somewhere.
February 5th, 2010 at 1:01 am
It’s funny because I am often torn about how well I am suited to this career. I’ve been doing shoots for the K. festival… and it involved interviewing a whole bunch of producers and directors and actors and I get so nuts before I go, because I want so badly for it to work out perfectly… and I get really nervous about the social interaction component of it. I don’t like shmoozing either, and it’s my least favorite part of film festivals. But then in the moment, when I’m filming or editing and reviewing footage, that’s the part I love.
This was what this post was supposed to be about. About the limitations and boundaries of love… and when it gets right down to it, you can’t choose what you love, even if it is nerve wracking and frustrating and downright anathema to your personality. You know you love something when you keep doing it even when it’s hard because of the 5 seconds of wonder.
Whoa, stream of consciousness just kicked in… Sorry, long reply
February 5th, 2010 at 1:23 am
Oh and yeah 450 was a really strange class. I try to keep that deep in the recesses of my brain. I should take another look at that DVD sometime… If I still have it?!
February 5th, 2010 at 2:11 am
“You know you love something when you keep doing it even when it’s hard because of the 5 seconds of wonder.”
Nail. Head.
I completely understand was you mean about the social interaction part of it. That makes up a huge part of my job, and I’ve just never been good at schmoozing. I think it’s hard for most, but especially hard when you’re helping to create something and you have to sell it, or justify it, its hard. However, as you’ve said, you’re doing something that you ultimately love, it makes it a little easier, so we tolerate the rest.
And then self medicate with homemade baked good when all else fails.
February 5th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Your opening here makes me laugh. So often I save up ten articles that I think I have strung together in some orchestral fashion in my head and I’m going to write the post of my life. And then it gets convoluted and I have to throw it out and I end up writing something about not being able to get out of bed in the morning.
You remind me that so often the writing that comes easily is the best, and most important — it’s just so hard to find.
Penelope
February 8th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Holy cow, Penelope Trunk!
I completely agree. I’ll be at work, or walking around and creating an entry in my mind. Sometimes I write the ideas, or the sentences down, but when I start actually flushing it out, the post just doesn’t work the way I want it to, and I just end up scrapping it entirely.
Thanks for your comment!