Have you ever had a really shitty week? The kind that knocks you off your feet and just winds the life out of you? That week happened two weeks ago, and I am still trying to find my bearings.

It was insufferable for a few reasons. We had a heat wave of epic, record setting proportions and the simplest of tasks would leave you feeling like the most viable option would be to melt to the floor right there –next to the old lady with her shopping cart waiting for the four o’clock bus. On top of the heat, life decided to grace me with a few overwhelming incidents that left me sobbing on the phone to R. and vowing to do something that ultimately –I suppose I’m glad I didn’t see through.

Confession: I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I ended up at home one night in an ice-cold bath reading Donna Tarrt’s The Secret History and drinking an entire bottle of the cheapest Canadian red wine I could find (As an aside, Thanks 20 Bees! I figured that for the price I paid, I would be drinking rancid garbage, but it was actually pretty great).

Then fast forward to today. Besides the fact that I haven’t done laundry in two weeks, and the house needs a thorough scrubbing, I have somewhat buried these incidents and the ensuing realizations deep into the recesses of my mind. Anyone with Psych 101 under their belt should know that this should come as no surprise. But, useful as this coping mechanism might be, this is not how I want to live my life.

Today I read an article about facial perception. Facial perception (unlike its borderline frightening, tech-savvy police state cousin facial recognition) is a process that begins in early infancy, when children learn to distinguish facial features. This is the same skill that leads us to find faces in places where there really aren’t any – inanimate objects for example.

This article outlined a study whereby groups of people were shown actual video surveillance from an on-campus camera in the Psychology department. After viewing the low-quality footage, the subjects were then shown pictures of people who were and weren’t shown on camera. They were then asked to match up the photos of the people who they thought were in the video. The researchers picked three groups of subjects. The first group was a set of Psychology students who were often in the building where the camera was set up. As a result they would likely have prior encounters with the on-camera subjects. The second group was a set of students who never visited the Psychology department, and subsequently would not have any familiarity with the on-camera subjects. The third group was a set of experienced police officers.

Not surprisingly, the first group – the psychology students who likely had previous encounters with the people on the security camera –scored the highest in terms of accuracy associating the people in the video with their photos. The second and third group scored equally poorly. So then why is this a big deal? Well as the authors allude to throughout the article, video surveillance is often used in legal settings, sometimes to convict or clear an accused of crime. That’s a big effing deal. That’s life changing.

So essentially, a platitude like conclusion could be something along the lines of “Familiarity leads to accuracy”. We can make accurate decisions when we are most familiar with the subject at hand. I know this isn’t the best analogy, and certainly not the most exact conclusion. But bear with me… Burying experiences deep down inside and washing them down with a bottle of wine might help in the moment, but they won’t lead to any kind of well crafted life.

In the end, I decided that my initial response to this week, if not a bit drastic and overly reactive, had a certain sense of legitimacy to it. This was a painful realization because it potentially means two things I’m not great at – change and letting go. I’m still battling with this decision, mulling it over in my mind… It isn’t absolute. And I feel a little bit lost, (but at the very least) more resolute than I have been in the past.

There’s a particular talent in giving a good gift. It’s one part knowing someone very well, another part hard work and a third part creativity. It’s not always easy to combine all three, and it’s fair to say that I’ve been known to freak out a bit with the desire to get it right.

That’s why I find it so impressive when people get it right for me. My response to “What do you want for anniversary /Birthday /Christmas /Groundhog Day /etc.?” Is typically: “Nothing”. I don’t consider myself to be materialistic. And to top it off, it doesn’t help that -in the rare occasions I want something badly enough to go shopping -I buy it immediately.

And yet, I got these four great gifts from four fantastic people:

The tree swing is a jewelry holder that was given to me for no particular reason by R.

The beautiful scarf in the background was given to me by my friend after she returned from Africa

The chicken is a sort of inside joke from a friend and former coworker for my birthday…

And finally the Farm Girl shorts are from my sister who knows how much I want to live on a farm!  I just found their website - and is it just me or are these pillows hilariously cute?

Happy belated Canada Day! In celebration, I conquered my fears and flubs, and made a quick (not so great) video blog.

Canada Day 2010 from fleuris dotca on Vimeo.

Whee!

See kylaroma’s challenge here:

Buying dresses is rough, but here are numbers two and three! The second was bought recently enough before I started this challenge, so I added it in here, and the second one was another Winners purchase. Ka-ching! Money saving is what I love to do!

There’s a part of me that worries - What exactly am I going to do with all of these sundresses when winter comes flying back in here again and haunts us for another 9 months? These thoughts are then quickly suppressed by some version of carpe diem… and I wear them everywhere. To the grocery store, to the farm, to fancy events and while doing laundry (ok kidding about that last one).

Might as well get as much use out of them as possible, oui?

Following the trend of easy consumables, I have to share my love for the Keurig. It’s the food pill of the coffee world. No bags, no scooping, no cleaning the pot… It’s my kind of awesome. You buy these little cups that have a foil lid and a filter inside, stick them in the machine and presto! Single serve coffee in your mug!

For a while I thought the system only caters to people like me - who wake up zombie-state, and only ever really make one cup of coffee at a time. But they’re equally awesome if you have lots of guests, some of whom might want different kinds of coffee or tea. I could totally sell these things on an infomercial, I’m really this thrilled about the invention.

I bought a sampler pack from Tweed and Hickory. You can get 5, 10, 50 or 100 different kinds of cups. Being moderate, I chose 10. Next time, 100 for sure.

Just like in real life, all Kcups are not created equal. Some are amazing Gloria Jean’s Cappuccino was a 5/5. Others are absolutely disgusting Van Houtte Rasperry Chocolate Truffle for example… Not sure what they were thinking. I wasn’t really impressed by any of the Timothy’s Kcups either. For the most part they were 3/5.

I just googled “I love the Keurig” and got over 427 000 results. OK time to cut back on caffeine.

I’ve had to make my own dinner every day this week. While I like to bake, I hate cooking. I once flipped through a Jamie Oliver cookbook, and the “dashes” of this, and “guesswork” of that, were enough to make me break out in a cold sweat.

I do occasionally throw something together for both of us, but since I was eating solo, I decided it would be easier to make a sandwich. Well three days and three sandwiches later, suffice to say I was pretty frustrated.

I think the reason I hate cooking so much (other than the fact that I’m not good at it) is because I consider such a colossal waste of time. Think about it. The time any one person spends grocery shopping, making food, eating food and cleaning up after food is exorbitant to put it mildly. The opportunity cost is high and the payoff is low… well according to me at least.

So whatever happened to those food pills that were promised to us in a once not so distant future? I’m actually half mad, half disappointed that they don’t already exist. Talk about saving energy, various types of resources…etc. Besides the fact that if they existed, they’d be..

And since I’ve already given up on the possibility of teleportation in my lifetime. I don’t think food in pill form is really so much to ask…

… of six?

Oh man. When I first read about this challenge, I thought that six dresses wouldn’t be such a huge commitment. But then I started going around the stores… and realized how much I absolutely hate shopping. See that awkward, pained look on my face? That’s what the thought of buying 5 more dresses looks like (just kidding!). But this is definitely a challenge for me!

I snagged this Element dress at Winners for 24.99. I might hate shopping but I love a good deal. The colours are super bright and I feel a bit self conscious in it, but it was cute to wear around on Sunday while getting some ice-cream down the street from where we live.

I’m planning on hemming it to knee-length. So that could probably count as dress #2… right??

I was thrilled to find out that Sarah Harmer’s new album “Oh Little Fire” will be available in June. Sarah’s new single “Captive” can be heard on her website. I pretty much figured out the lyrics (below). I think it’s a good single, but I’m looking forward to hearing the rest of the album, especially since some of my favorite songs by her weren’t the ones that got the most air play (Greeting Aisle and Lodestar, for example).

I want to be held captive (Oh oh oh)
Forget the way I acted (Oh oh oh)
It’s just I’m out of practice (Oh oh oh)
and d-distracted

Hold me to this thing
Darling
Bring light we’ll
Climb to the rafters
As long as there’s a view to look to
Fence me in and keep me close to you

I want it for a long time (Oh oh oh)
I forgot my light-t
You threw me a lifeline (Oh oh oh)
Pulled me out of the dark night

Hold me to this thing
Darling
Bring light & we’ll
Climb to the rafters
As long as there’s a view to look to
Fence me in and keep me close to you

There will always be a lamp lit
Look how far the light is casting
Soft and steady you can see it
Glowing
With the feeling
This feeling

I want to be held captive (Oh oh oh)
Look at the way I acted (Oh oh oh)
I’m just so out of practice (Oh oh oh)
And d-distracted

Hold me to this thing
Darling
Bring light & we’ll
Climb to the rafters
As long as there’s a view to look to
Fence me in and keep me

Hold me to this thing
Darling
Bring light & we’ll
Climb to the rafters
As long as there’s a view to look to

Fence me in and keep me close
Fence me in and keep me close to you

Last weekend we were up north for four glorious days. Friday brought a series of tears, anger and frustration. A good friend of mine is swapping one province for another. Another (former?) friend of mine’s grandfather passed away. I went into a clothing store (I hate shopping). My world was not right.

I wanted silence. I wanted to forget sadness and be far away from clothing stores, cell phones and city people. But most of all, I wanted to see animals. April up north is great for two reasons: no allergies and no bugs. We walked through the bush and made enough noise to scare off the beaver from his working lunch.

We saw and heard the ruffed grouse, whose mating rituals are far more interesting and pleasant than people in their thirties. I’m looking at you, popped collar-”I’m on the Deloitte golf team” d-bags at the Bier Market (you will never again see me in that God forsaken place).

The best came last. On the way home, a prancing doe and later, a moose cow. No photos of those though… they’re always too quick.

E.T.A. Wow, unless you live in Alaska!

It wasn’t too long ago that we found ourselves escaping Toronto, driving west to a smaller city about an hour out. We followed this trail skyward and stood high above houses and streets that reminded me of game pieces -manipulateable.

I feel powerless in the city I (unfortunately) currently call home. I despise the landscape and can’t stand the people. My university town -Kingston -still holds my soul in its grasp. But, in the moments when I’m honest to myself, I recognize that it could be any town, so long as it remained uncorrupted by the forces of evil that are resplendent in urbane life.

Sure, Kingston had issues of its own. Among them, girls who dressed like clones -their lifestyle paid for by absent parents. But, like those reality television shows about California teens, they were too naive and innocent to be devastating. We could sort of laugh sardonically at their misplaced value system.

Besides, it had qualities that contributed and detracted from this small shortfall. Kindness, community, beauty, nature, love. It had this same kind of manipulateability that drew us into its heart rather than leaving us feeling like automatons. None of this exists in Toronto (be forewarned!), and I am growing exponentially weary of the people here.

I could write a manual on how to fit in, in this city. It would go something like this: Brand Yourself. Find a diet, an exercise regime, and a lifestyle du jour (extra points are given if any of these happen to appropriate a culture which is not yours by birth).

These people seem so desperate to be different within the confines of familiarity. But unlike the girls of the university town, there is a subtle hint of danger here. These are the people who were told, and who believe that they should inherit the Earth. They can’t see 5 inches past their Blackberries/Iphones because the said items are, quite literally, 5 inches away from their face.

Speaking of, I saw the most bizarre thing the other day, people comparing their mobile devices like the Business Card scene from American Psycho

I often stop myself from approaching someone on the subway and asking them in earnest “Are you for real?” I feel like an alien in this world. I can’t really relate to the lifestyle here, and I don’t want any part of it. Sometimes it makes me want to laugh, other times it really scares me.

How exactly did I end up in this Matrix?